Gloria Filax, Athabasca University
Guest Contributor
One of my first realizations that in some situations what I had to say was less important than how I was perceived to have said it occurred in grade two. I had asked my teacher to let us practice our numbers at our desk instead of at the board because, I offered, we could practice without being watched by our friends. She gave me a withering look and said, “I don’t like your tone of voice, young lady.”
I knew not to say, “But what does my tone of voice have to do with wanting to practice at my desk instead in front of my friends?”
As a young adult when I presented family and friends information about women’s inequality, I was often told that I could be more convincing if I would just ‘tone it down’ or as someone said to me: ‘You know, you’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.’ When I came out as a lesbian in my late thirties and encountered and objected to homophobia, I was informed that I would be more acceptable if I wasn’t so strident and disrespectful in the way I talked to people.
While directed at me as an individual each of these dismissals of my position was possible because I was a member of a group who exercised less social power – a child in relation to an adult, student in relation to teachers, woman in a male dominant culture, and lesbian in a heteronormative culture. Those who argue against inequality from a position of asymmetrical social power are often dismissed with pejoratives – ‘what a bitch,’ ‘she is so uppity,’ ‘how perverted.’ (more…)







